It has been a frusterating day. I am having a tough time balancing the kids unique personalities and needs. I know I have blogged about this in the past but it seems to have hit an all time high of difficulty.As soon as we get up Deacon wants to know where we are going. He is up for anything and everything. He misses his friends if he doesn't see them and he embraces playgroup, the park, the YMCA and all things social. He bums big time if we just stay home.
Then there is Roman. Roman doesn't want to go anywhere. He wants to stay home. He doesn't get along as well with others and if he isn't happy, well, very few people around him are either. He is perfectly content to be home playing with his toys and his brothers. He bums big time if we go anywhere.
Lincoln is happy as long as he gets his naps on schedule and frequent cups of milk.
So WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!? I try to tell Deacon that we sometimes need downtime and time just with our family and I try to remind Roman that he does always have fun when we go somewhere (he actually does seem to enjoy our activities eventually, it is just the initial going that he seems to resent). We tend to go somewhere in the morning and then spend the afternoons at home. That seems somewhat fair.
I think part of the problem is that Roman is getting a severe case of middle child syndrome. We really try to spend one-on-one time with him, but it is hard to do with 3 small demanding children. The other day Deacon was gone and Roman hit him when he got home and said he wanted Deacon to leave again. And he claims he doesn't want Deacon to go to sleep at the same time as him. But then tonight when Deacon and I were gone and got home they seemed really happy to see each other and were hugging and wrestling playfully. And Roman hadn't gone to sleep yet, almost like he was waiting for Deacon.
Sometimes I wonder if we really have cheated our kids by having them so close together. It seems like Deacon doesn't get to do as many things because we are working around nap schedules and younger brother behavior situations. And on the flip side it seems like Lincoln misses out on baby stuff- age appropriate interactions and books because everything is geared more up to the other ones.
I guess there are pros and cons to however a family is set up. I guess I will just continue to really work at having intentional one-on-0ne time with each of them and encouraging Noah and other family members to do the same. (Roman has been over to my parents for some special "alone" time in the past few weeks and he really loves it. He seems so proud and happy to be alone.)
5 comments:
It seems to me that whatever the two of you are doing is working, because you have three amazing little boys. I can't imagine how hard it is and I am very impressed by how well you two are raising them. They are very blessed to have the two of you as their parents.
I have similar problems myself. Addie always wants to stay home and Josie always wants to go out. With two younger ones it's always easiest for me to keep everyone home.....unless it's garage sale day, in which case they pretty much stay in the car......even more confining than home:(
I, too, struggle with the feeling that the kids are being jipped. But then I look at only children and realize what a blessing it is to have so many playmates readily available for a good cat-fight;)
ah yes, the balancing. It seems like you're saying and doing all you can to meet all the different needs. everything in moderation right? some going out and some staying home. I know I don't know you, but you seem like an excellent mom. Really, you do!
Your boys are darling. Redecorating your room with towels? That post sure brightened my day! They love you soooo much, it's obvious!
I think all of us moms struggle with various kinds of mom guilt but don't worry about the boys because as long as you continue to be concerned for each of them and continue showing your love for them, they will be okay. My friends with kids who are more spaced out have even MORE issues with the sibling rivalry thing since they don't play together as much and have totally different activities going on. Sounds like you are teaching your boys about the give and take of life. Helping them learn to do things they don't always want to do will be invaluable for them in the future, especially when they are married and have differences with their spouse.
Something I'm going to try this year that I heard of is choosing one day each week to cover my Kid of the Day in prayer. Perhaps the days of the week they were born on. In addition to praying for them with my husband, I would like to spend time doing an activity or extra cuddle time with that kid. The more kids I have the more I have to be so intentional about making time for them one-on-one.
Keep up the good work and know that your boys will be best buds someday and will be sooooo glad you had each of them when you did!
Love the picture! Peter says it's a good thing they didn't watch Olympic javelin!
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