Who dun it?

This morning I pulled the cutting board out, and it was covered in solidified red jelly. Fairly or not, I muttered an exasperated "Ju-lee...."

Deacon piped up. "Dad, it was probably me. I make a mess sometimes when I make my own toast."

Me: "Okay, but when you do, you need to clean it up. Come over here and take a look at this." I started scrubbing.

D: "Oh, that wasn't me. I make messes with peanut butter, not with jelly."

R: "It wasn't me. That looks like it probably happened back when I was a baby. I couldn't have done it."

R: "It was probably Lincoln."

D: "Yeah, probably Lincoln."

-N

Three kinds of people

My coworkers and I, had a conversation that was too long and geeky to relate in its entirety. But we came to a conclusion. There are three kinds of people in the world.

When encountering a knob, the first type will not touch the knob. They're perhaps scared or lack confidence, or maybe just not interested.

The second type will examine the situation and possbily turn the knob if they can figure out what's going on, or at least be reasonably sure what happens if they do.

The third....and here Julie broke in..."is Roman!...and I said, "Yes! The third type doesn't pause or ponder, they just spin the knob!"

For the record, I'm type 2. I'm an engineer. I try to figure out how to fix things, but I also try not to break them.

Julie is a type 2/type 3. Deacon is a type 1/type 2. Link might be a pure type 3 like Roman, I'm not sure.

What are you?

The Princess and The Pea (Alternate title: "The Husband and The Washcloth")

I have been reading the boys a lot of fairy tales lately. We talk about them and discuss if they could really happen etc. Sorry, I am a literalist.

Anyway, the other day we read "The Princess and The Pea".

It made me grumpy.

You see, I had never really thought about it carefully before, but as I read it to the boys I thought, "what a load of garbage!"

The Prince wants to marry a true princess.

What is the requirement for the princess?

Apparently some of them are: A. They complain and whine to their hostess about how poorly they slept and B. They toss and turn all night and don't even try to figure out the problem.

And that is what the Prince and Queen wanted? Well, let them have her! She sounds too needy to me.

-------

Fast forward to Monday morning.

I got home from work in the am. Everyone was already gone, the house was quiet.

After getting ready for bed, I climbed in on Noah's side.

Funny, I know.

I have my own side.

But when I sleep alone during the day I usually sleep on his side.

It used to be my side, but we had switched.

Maybe I still subconsciously (or consciously) like it better.

I felt something at my back. It was uncomfortable and lumpy.

Was it a pea? (just kidding)

I deduced that it was some kind of clothing stuck between the mattress pad and the fitted sheet. I couldn't sleep. I tried, but I tossed and turned. Too uncomfortable. I put my hand onder the fitted sheet and pulled out a washcloth. It must have clung to the sheet after being in the dryer. It had probably been four days since I had washed them. (I wash the sheets once a week. Is that normal?!)

Anyway, finally the problem was resolved and I fell asleep.

I woke up with a question in my mind.

Why hadn't Noah taken care of the lump?

Had he not noticed the washcloth?

I couldn't believe that to be true. Noah is much more sensitive to such things than I am, and the fact that it bothered me made it hard to believe that he wouldn't have noticed.

Or was I a true princess?

The question bothered me.

Over dinner I mentioned it. He acknowledged that he had noticed the lump and it had been driving him crazy all weekend. I said, "how did you even sleep? I had to remove it. I didn't even climb out of bed, just pulled it out."

He gave me a sheepish grin.

"I just scooted down in the bed until the lump was even with my head and then it didn't bother me."

I think my response was something like, "are you kidding me?"

His was, "This is going to make for a blog post, isn't it."

So here is the question, which one of us is true royalty?

Controversial Monday: The only true Silver Surfer

Julie was sleeping, so we took our noisy selves to the park.

Where we played football. Such as it was. Deacon likes to direct traffic and spike after touch downs. Roman likes to run with the ball. And Lincoln is my ball-hawking strong safety. He is willing to tackle anyone, jump on any pile, and he cries if someone else gets a ball.

-----------------

We played Super Heroes.

Deacon was Spider-Man, complete with a 5 minute explanation on how, despite having red webs on his left shoe and black webs on his right shoe, he was only the red Spider-Man and never the black Spider-Man or Venom.

Roman was having trouble deciding which character to be. He thought maybe he should be the Golden Surfer, since he was wearing grey. Huh? Yes, you are, so you could be the Silver Surfer. No? "I'll be Deakie Go-Ko, Super-Hero." Okay. "Well, I am wearing grey, so I could be the Golden Surfer." Nooooo...

Anyway.

They were going to make Link be the bad guy, again. I stood up for him. That's what I do. I'm a Super Hero too. Which one they all want to know. I'm the Shadow.

What's your Super Power? Uh, I'm a master of disguise and stealth. Okay.

R: "Shadow 1, get into the rocket ship."

Me: "Shadow 1, what are you talking about?"

R: "Well, I'm wearing grey, so I thought maybe I should be the Shadow 2."

Me: "I thought you were Deakie Go-Ko, Super-Hero?"

R: "Oh, I am. Or maybe I should be the Golden Surfer..."

Link: {ROAR}

R: "AH, the bad Super Hero."

Me: "No, he's the Beast remember, he's a good guy."

Link: {ROAR}

R: "Are you sure? Who's the Beast?"

Me: "I don't really know, but he's one of the X-Men, so he must be a good guy. He probably growls a lot. Like Link."

Link: {ROAR}

Me: {ROAR}

D: "But who's going to be the bad guy?"

Me: "We'll have to use our imaginations."

R: "They're invisible bad guys!"

Me: [to myself] "Wow, that's awfully concrete for a game this far out there. That kid is a lot like me."

Me: [to them] "Yes, invisible bad guys, that's what makes them so bad and hard to catch."

---------------------

Scenario: the motley team of Supers Deakie Go-Ko, red Spider-Man, the Shadow and the Beast head to Mars in their rocket ship to rescue a dog who has been kidnapped by bad guys.

R: "Set coordinates for Mars. We have to save the puppy from the bad guys."

D: "Yeah, he's being held by four bad guys, who are a lot stronger than him. He's a bull dog, but he's just a puppy, a cute little puppy, and they kidnapped him."

Me: "Well we'd better get moving; I'm setting coordinates for Mars."

We deploy down the slides and rescue the dog. I suggest I use my stealthy ability to sneak into the dungeon: I start sneaking. Deakie Go-Ko, Super-Hero agrees: "We're coming puppy!!!"

We rescue the apparently terrorized and over-match puppy from the bad guys, who apparently left their post because we didn't encounter them on Mars. Scarcely are we back to our rocket ship when Roma...I mean Deakie Go-Ko, Super-Hero gets a call.

R: We need to set coordinates for Pluto. There is a lost kitty there who stuck on a bad guy's ship and can't find his way back home.

Me: Alright, let's go help him out.

R: Well, he's stuck because he's on Pluto and his home is on Satur-an.

Me: Okay, we'll get the little guy home to Saturn-an. Setting coordinates for Pluto.

Details are somewhat fuzzy from there. My brain was over-drawn. We deployed down the slides again. I had to lift the baby kitty from where he was trapped in the baby swing. We did get him back to Satur-an. From there we had another mission, this time to California.

After California I decided that the Beast had had it enough inter-stellar travel, and it was probably time for Julie to get up anyway.

-------------------

Lincoln crashed tonight on the couch with me watching SNF and was out quite quickly. Deacon and Roman came down and saw the sleeping Beast.

D: "Too bad he's asleep, we were going use him as the Royal Cat." [I was somewhat surprised Roman wasn't in that role, but I bit my tongue.]

R: "Oh well, I guess we'll have to have invisible Royal Cats."

Concrete meet fantasy. Oh, I see you're already acquainted...

This week...

So far this week we have been imaginative (I use the "we" very loosely. I am always given a character, but very seldom perform to my full capabilities. It is usually like, "Oh, I am the princess? Well the princess is doing the dishes and making lunch)

Anyway, here is the list:

1. King. Deacon was the King and sat on a Royal thrown. Roman was the Royal penguin who visited the arctic when the palace became too warm. Oh wait, maybe I should capitalize "Royal Penguin"

2. Garbage Truck.

3. Ninjas. Deacon wore a black blazer and black sports shorts. He looked awesome. They snuck around the house, legs bent, in ready positions.

4. Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus. Deacon was Joseph, The neighbor girl was Mary, and Roman was...wait for it...Baby Jesus' cat. Lincoln was a sheep.

5. Pirates. They were all pirates, and poor Lincoln was the one true bad pirate.
I was the mom pirate.

6. Going to camp. It required a boat to get there.

There were other minor side games, but these were the major themes for the week.

One of my favorite parts of the day is finding out the details of what they are planning and playing.

Veggie Tales

It has not been a good day around here. I am in a bad mood. I am in a contemplative mood. I am in a mom funk. I am tired of the baby screeching, Roman disobeying and Deacon freaking out about everything.

And honestly, it is hard not to be able to push myself at the gym. It is kind of a way to release stress and clear my mind. But now it is just hard.

And my job is looming, pressing, stressing.

And do I get the H1N1 vaccine?
AGGGHH....

So without further ado, I will leave you with a cute story. Because honestly, my kids are pretty cute. And they make me smile. And they make me laugh. And they make me think. And I am trying to focus on the positive....

This morning Roman took a tomato off the counter and announced that it was Bob from Veggie Tales.

Then he asked me for a cucumber.

I didn't have one.

So he got creative and set a pumpkin next to "Bob".

He announced that the Pumpkin was Larry.

Then he said:

"Hi. I am Bob" (in Bob voice)

"And I'm Larry" (in Larry voice)

"And we are here to answer your questions. You are probably wondering why Larry doesn't have any eyes" (in Bob voice)

"Yeh Bob. Why don't I have any eyes?" (in Larry voice)

That kid cracks me up.

Then at the grocery store Roman and Lincoln both asked for Cucumbers. I gave them each one to hold and it amused them through the shopping trip. I had a hard time getting them to relinquish them to the cashier for the 37 seconds it took to charge me a $1.18 for them.

Awesome.

Controversial Monday, but Celebrated on Tuesday...this week

Guess what the topic for today is?

Ahhh yes.

Strapless dresses.

Especially popular for fancy occasions such as weddings.

I didn't wear one at my wedding.

Noah would probably have stood me up at the alter.

He is not a fan.

Neither am I.

I am not sure what the allure is.

I am not interested in my shoulder blades sticking out.

Or my fat bulging over.

Or drawing attention to that little extra skin where your arms attach to your body.

My mom is going to read this and call me up and tell me I am being too critical and stereotypical.

But the point of controversial Monday is to create conversation.

So, someone try to convince me that strapless dresses are flattering on more than 1% of the population.

'K?