Thanks Everyone!

Well, I managed to sort of delurk a couple. I guess these are the people that guilt works on. The others? What will work for them? I will have to keep thinking...

But I LOVED hearing from you! And I learned stuff too! I had forgotten about Sally kicking Noah, and I CAN'T believe that Joolee actually told impressionable young children youth group gossip! (you know...Joolee from Spot on the Sopha...I just can't do any linking tonight...sorry guys...) Thanks, Sally, for delurking. And I *may* make a real (as in not fake) facebook account just for you.

And I love how my dad and Karla talk about DJs like they know them. I do that too, but I, of course like actually know them. Or not. I love sugar too. When you get home, lets eat sugar together. Just you and me.

I laughed about Mrs. Jo needing to wash dirty feet. I just don't look at my kids feet. What YOU don't know won't kill THEM, right? I am totally with you on the mice. They freak me out with their constant movement and beady eyes and rat like features.

And M@? (see, I can be a geek too!) I may start always counting with 0. Just because I think it is cool- in a software engineer kind of way. I already use military time, so why not? It boosts my ego to know that you read my blog and comment. But may I ask you, where is your sweet wife?! She is purposely doing this to me...lurking...isn't she? Just to get under my skin? It is unnerving. Quick, Becki, what author always has people giving aspirin to kids in her books? Can you still not respond? WHAT WILL IT TAKE? Or, horror of horrors, do you not even read this?!

I like my mom's color quirkiness. She is definitely good at art and deciding on paint colors and stuff. And that combined with the weeding certainly makes keeping her around a good idea. Just kidding mom. That is not all I still need you for!

Heather- call me up and we will go to Dairy Queen together! And then run or something?! And I am so glad to know about the "No-ah", "Yes-ah" thing. I think it is definitely helpful in making points and I think it sounds absolutely professional :)

And Grandma Debbie...oh no! You notice what people wear?! Why did I not know that? Now I am never going to be able to wear goldenrod yoga pants to your house ever again! And my children? Does that mean that you remember all of the weird combinations I have had them in over the years? I like the witty, clever stuff in the dreams. I wish I was witty and clever in my dreams but I am almost always running from murderers. Must.keep.running.

Elise- I am totally with you on number six (or in M@'s world, number 5. Wait, why is M@ suddenly hyperlinked? Where does it go? I goes it is not. It just turned blue and underlined itself. Or did I do that?) Anyway, I don't like to squish bugs either. I wish my clothes were organized like that and oh what song should I try to get stuck in your head? How about "Dora, Dora, Dora the Explorer..." :)

Genna, Genna, Genna. You are quirky, aren't you? But you remind me of your brother and I rather like him, so it is all good :) At least I know where to get fruit snacks the next time the boys need a haircut. And, BTW, I am a physical contact to the minimum person myself. You third borns... :) Good thing I have lots of babies to hand people to take the hugs for me.

Thanks for getting your comments in so that I could move on to other topics. I was getting nervous that I was going to have to make up 7 people and make up 7 quirks about each of them so that I could start blogging again. I was starting to withdraw big time. I did get my laundry folded though :) Yeah! Clean underwear for all. Even for those in the family that don't use it.

7 Quirky Things

I got tagged by Heather to share some quirky facts about myself. She tagged me, I think, because she thinks a) that I will have some quirky things to share and, b) she thinks she is faster then me. Heather, I demand a footrace. Right here, right now!

Maybe not here, not now. But definitely sometime before October 11th, because after that I think I will stop running for awhile. Or maybe I won't. It is addicting. Kind of. In a "I despise this but I must. keep. going." kind of way. But I digress.


Here are my 7:

1. I can't say "graffiti" unless someone else says it first. I try to say it in my head and I just can't get it right. And then someone else says it and then I can say it for awhile until it has been too long and I can't replay them saying it in my head anymore. Then I have to go back to, "I am so glad my kid can't read yet. You can't imagine what some kid spraypainted all over the park this morning". And other creative ways of avoiding "that" word.

2. I won't hostess a garage sale. It is too stressful. I love to go to garage sales, but I just can't have my own. I have a paralyzing fear of people laughing at my junk. (Isn't that a nice way of putting it? Not "I won't have a garage sale", but "I won't hostess a garage sale" It sounds like a perfectly pleasant tea or something, doesn't it?)

3. I do all kinds of nasty, disgusting, gross things at my job. Things I won't even tell you about because I may lose readers. And I don't have that many anyway. Inspite of that, however, I get SERIOUSLY grossed out by dogs licking me. I just can't stand it. So if you have a dog and I come over and I am wearing my orange prison jumpsuit with gloves, that is why.

4. My first work of art was a melted pen sculpture I named, "Jot and Tittle" (can anyone guess why? I put a bunch of pens on aluminum foil and melted them in the oven. I was convinced that if I only tried I could get it into the modern art museum downtown. I wonder where that sculpture is?... I could sure use my 15 minutes of fame now...

5. When I run or swim laps I have to keep track. If I get off by one I always take the lower number and start from there. If I get off by more than 1 my whole workout is shot. I just can't mentally recover from it.

6. I am totally paranoid about bridges and steep hills. Seattle was not the most therapeutic place for someone with those fears. I had trouble with bridges long before the tragic bridge collapse, but after the collapse, it got worse. I carried life jackets in the back of my van for months! I also worked out careful escape plans for if it ever happened to me with a van full of kids. And the steep hills? Well, I used to have a recurring dream in which I was driving up a hill and it got so steep that the car flipped over backwards. I used to ask people if that could actually ever happen. I never got a good answer. I should send it to those "Myth Debunked" guys. That show is a life changer.

7. I love historical museums. Even if they are one room deals in tiny counties. I still like to go to them and I always learn some small tidbit.

I am sure they would have been much more interesting if Noah had been home to point some out to me...

Now I am supposed to tag some people, but since this is already going around my blog network, I don't have many blog friends to tag that haven't been tagged already. So sad. I know. But I do have A LOT of lurkers. So here is the deal. I know it is the weekend, but I want my dear and faithful readers (not just lurkers, any readers) to write their 7 quirks in my comments section. I will not post again until I have 7. So, if you want to read about my controversial topic and dream with me about houses and see more pictures of your adorable grandchildren, I would suggest you get to writing about your quirks :)



oh...one more thing about me. I am not sweet. Real life conversation:



The setting: Noah and I sitting in the van, in our driveway ,in the dark, and drinking Arctic Rushes. His cherry, mine watermelon. (did I tell you he isn't drinking pop until his 30th birthday?)



Noah: "The problem with Arctic Rushes, or Mr. Misty's, is that they are so sweet. I think they should be a little more tart."

Julie: "I like them sweet. I don't wish they were tart. I like sweet, because I am sweet."

Noah (with a playful grin): "yes, you are so sweet."

Julie: "Who are we kidding. I am totally not sweet."

Noah: "Totally not".

So there you have it. I am not sweet. So start telling me and the rest of the world your quirks!

I Think a Psychologist is in his Future

I had the above book out the other day. I was looking up something. Back in the day we didn't have good old Google or Wikepedia. We looked stuff up in our textbooks and these archaic computerized article databases. We did have email, though, so we were sort of cool.



Anyway, I kept all of my old nursing textbooks and I will occasionally use them for reference if I just can't get an answer from good old Web MD.



I should have waited until the boys were occupied, but I didn't. Sure enough Deacon wandered over and started looking over my shoulder...



fast forward 20 years. Deacon and his lovely young wife are in marriage counseling...

Deacon's 9 month pregnant wife: "I don't know why, but he just refuses to be present at the birth. And I really want him there for me. And for our baby."

Counselor: "Deacon, what is holding you back from being present as your child, your own flesh and blood, takes his first breath?"

Deacon: "The only thing I can think of Dr, is a vague memory from childhood...some picture of a woman getting bigger and bigger...and then..."

Back to present:

Anyway, when I set the book down Deacon started to look at it. I was a little wary of it, because I didn't really know what he would come across. So I stayed close and answered his questions about the pictures of the baby growing in utereo. I didn't want to freak out and insist that he put it away, because I thought that may make things worse. After looking at the pictures of the babies growing he set the book aside and went to play. I took the book and put it back into the office.

fast forward 20 years:

Counselor: "Yes, Deacon, then what happened?"

Deacon: "I don't know. I think I stopped looking at the book, but later it seems to me that I found some pictures later of a woman...and she was on her hands and knees and it looked like she was pooping a baby right out..."

back to present:

Sure enough, on Saturday when I woke up from my nap after work, Noah said with a concerned look, "have you been discussing babies and giving birth with Deacon?"

"Well, we were looking at my text book and talking about how the babies grow inside of the mommies..."

"He found the book again, Julie, and he was looking at it and he said, 'look at this Dad. The baby grows and grows inside of the mommy, and then when it is big enough she poops it right out!'"

"what did you say?" I asked (very glad it was him, not me).

"I told him that the mom didn't poop the baby out, even though that is what it might look like. I told him there is another opening very close to the bottom called the vagina. There is a tunnel to that opening and that is where babies come through." (that is my husband, very technical :) "He said, 'oh, ok' and that was it."

[He didn't believe me initially, I had to show him another picture to prove it -N]

I didn't realize which picture he'd seen. Later, I saw the pictures that Noah said he was looking at. Ugh...unusual birthing position and relatively graphic...hopefully he won't have to see a baby coming out like that again until he is in the labor room with his wife...and hopefully he won't have a flashback to those pictures at just the wrong time...

Ugh...

Just a side note: I am apparently losing credibility. Deacon said to Noah, "I want to be a nurse when I grow up. There is a problem though. Mom says that there are boy nurses, but I am just not sure that there really is."

Noah backed me up and said that there were boy nurses. Deacon asked him how he knew that. Noah explained that I had told him about them and that he had seen them working when he was at the hospital. Deacon then asked, "Did you see them outside or were you walking around peeking in the windows?"

What have we done to make him so suspicious of our motives, and how is this gender bias ingrained in him so early?! I have always talked about female MDs I work with and male nurses I work with. It must be all those books I read him... Mostly I blame the one about Curious George at the hospital. All of those nurses in little white dresses. Even Deacon knows a man just couldn't pull that off.

Who Cares?

In the next day or two I plan to blog about a more controversial topic. Why? Because I simply can't keep my mouth shut sometimes.

But in the meantime, I have noticed what I think is a disturbing trend: people who get so defensive when they even think that someone may be commenting about the size of their family or the way they choose to school their children or if one parent decides to stay home.

I love it when people ask me (even negatively) why I would ever want to homeschool. I don't mind telling them and I don't mind debating/discussing with them if that is what they want to do. I don't care if people laugh about me being continually pregnant. I pretty much am and I laugh about it myself. Most people think it is cool that I mostly stay home, and if they don't well, I pretty much think that they just have no idea how endearing a little knight in shining armour can be :) So I show them my pictures.

Happy Birthday Roman!

It was Roman's 3rd Birthday on Monday. Thanks to the good people of this state choosing to not enter the hospital this weekend, I was able to stay home from work Sunday night and frost the cake. Ahhh...Baby Jaguar. Then I spent Monday trying to clean and get ready for the big party. I would have kept everyone updated on party prep via Twitter but Noah doesn't want me to use Twitter. So I didn't. And don't.
Roman said a sweet little "Thank You" after he opened each present

For some reason he was totally fascinated by this Veggie Tales Card. He just stood there for the longest time examining it.

Lincoln pretty much loves Roman's new bike.
It was a good party. Roman did leave in the middle of it to go take a bath, but I guess it is his party and he can bathe if he wants too. (should I worry about OCD?)

One of the Best Things We've Done

Breastfed babies end up in their parents beds. A lot. Especially when it is cold and dark and it is a middle of the night feeding...

With both Deacon and Roman I would always start them out in their bed, but about the time of the first feeding after midnight, I would haul them to bed with us and there they would sleep. All cozy and warm and happy. And close to their food supply. They like that.

And I liked it. Kind of. But I didn't sleep hard. It certainly was easier and since I don't drink or take sleeping aids, it seemed unlikely that I would squish them. So we carried on that way.

And then it was getting closer to the time for Lincoln to be born. And I was thinking about co sleeping. And I decided that I didn't want to do it again. I realized that with 3 kids 3 and under that I was going to need to sleep well at night, and quite frankly I did not sleep well co-sleeping. So I decided that I would not take him to bed with me. I would nurse him in the chair and put him back to bed. And I would put him to bed awake if at all possible. And so that was what I did. And we loved it. And we still love it.

He is our best sleeper! We never had to do the cry it out thing like we did with our other two because he knows how to put himself to sleep. He is our best napper- and I attribute at least some of it to being used to sleeping unassisted and alone. He genuinely likes his bed and he is literally a JOY to put to bed. (so he puts on a little screaming show now at 16months, but he quiets down very quickly)

I know it seems like an odd time to post this, but I actually still think about it every night when I just put him in his crib and he goes to sleep. The results of my training him from the beginning are definitely paying off...

Last Parody

These are from my mom, Pam. She wrote them with help from my sister. Or maybe my sister wrote them with help from my mom? Anyway, they sum up the personalities of my kids pretty well! Thanks Mom (and Erica) and enjoy!


to the tune of "Here comes Peter Cottontail"

Here comes Deacon Christopher,
He is not a whisperer,
You can always hear him loud and clear.

Verse:
Radiating all life's joy,
He's the most excited boy,
Things are so much fun when he's around.

Chorus:
Here comes Deacon Christopher,
He is not a whisperer,
You can always hear him loud and clear.



to the tune of "Row,Row,Row Your Boat"

Ro, Ro, Roman Boy
He's the middle of three
He will paddle his own canoe,
Just you wait and see.



to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"

Lincoln, Lincoln how he rants,
We will call him "crabby pants."
Up til midnight, he's so loud,
But his smile wins a crowd.
Lincoln, Lincoln baby boy
Deacon, Roman share that toy

For some, Three is Company

Long before we had 3 children and long after I developed my elementary school "crush" on Noah we were caught in that middle ground of "dating". Kind of. As I have alluded to in another post, it wasn't exactly dating. It was just kind of being "loosely together but never when cornered" kind of relationship. Yes, Noah doesn't like to be understood and never has.

At the particular time of this story we were both in pursuit of our liberal arts education and I think that we were getting a little more serious. Like serious to the point that we decided one day to go to Arby's/Sbarro together for lunch. Alone. That's serious. Especially since it was probably only like a month later that we were engaged. Yeah, I know. Strange relationship.

Anyway, Sbarro had a lunch buffet and so that is what we both decided to get. We went and sat down at our table for 2 when we noticed a middle aged man making the rounds of the restaurant. We gathered from the things we could hear him say and the way he was interacting with the clientele that this was his hangout, his stomping grounds, if you will. He apparently took the bus from somewhere to this Arby's everyday at lunch time.

He eventually made it around to our table and paused. We looked at each other nervously. He pulled a chair up and said to us, "Have you ever seen the movie 'Speed'?" And that is where I made my fatal mistake. I said, "No".

"You haven't seen it?!" He replied, "But you really must! You look exactly like the girl in there...who was she, again?"

"Sandra Bullock", Noah said helpfully. Thanks, dear.

"Yes, that is it- you look exactly like Sandra Bullock!"

Now, I don't know what he was thinking. I don't look like Sandra Bullock.


Here is Sandra Bullock:
Here is a picture of me:



Not so much alike, are we? As my mom would say, "yes, you do look alike. You both have 2 eyes, a nose and a mouth." My mom is funny that way.

After we established the actresses' name, the man continues to tell us what a travesty it is that I haven't seen the movie. He decides to help me out and sit there with us on our date and recount for us the entire plot and subplots of "Speed"!

In the middle of the rendition I felt like I needed a break and I excused myself to go get some more pizza. When I got back to the table he looked at Noah and said, "your girlfriend sure eats a lot!" At that point in my life I was mortified. At this point in my life I would say, "you'd better believe it. And I bet I can finish a Chipotle Burrito faster than you too". But those were the days before Chipotle.

But we are talking about that moment, and at that moment I was embarassed. He must have picked up on the awkwardness and quickly tried to explain himself: "that is really good though. I think it is so much healthier when a girl eats. I used to hang out at Bonanza (anyone remember that place? Meal and then buffet?) One day I was eating there and there was this girl and she would eat and eat and eat and then go into the bathroom to vomit. " He didn't know the word bulimic so he just described to us the whole process he thought she was doing and why it was so harmful. "I went over and explained it all to the manager," he said proudly, "just so he would know what was going on. But you, I am so glad that you are a good eater and that you aren't going into the bathroom to vomit."

We sat there feeling a little shocked and unsure of what to say next. I am sure we said some pleasantries like, "yes, I am glad I am not bulimic too" and "I guess we will have to see that movie sometime". And then we left. And I don't think we ever went back at lunchtime again.

That day we wanted a date. Just the 2 of us. We thought that a 3rd would make a crowd.

That day he needed someone to talk to. Just the 3 of us. He thought that 3 would make good company.

That day we realized that sometimes 3 as company trumps 3 being a crowd.

This post is part of September's Soap Opera Sunday. The theme for this month is "Three's Company, or... Three's a Crowd". Heather is hostessing this month, so check out more stories and the rules (so you can post one too!) over at TheExtraordinaryOrdinary

Audio file (I hope)

Traffic by Matt

Who is that gorgeous redhead?

(Of course this is not a Julie post. She is not a narcissist. I love this shot though, so I thought I'd post it while she is at work.)

Matt's Parody

This is Matt's song. He sent me an MP3 recording of him singing it and playing it on his guitar. Nice, huh? I have been trying to post the audio file but I haven't yet been able to figure it out and Noah is not available to help me. (I have him slaving away, cleaning all the bathrooms. He doesn't like it if I demand too much at one time.) If it was on the internet I could do it easily (yeah right) , but he apparently hasn't yet posted a YouTube video of his smashing lyrics.

Anyway, I would be glad to post the actual file if someone will tell me how to do it easily, but until then, here are the lyrics! Thanks for entering Matt, everyone else Enjoy! And be glad he is not our dictator... :) Oh, I almost forgot, it is a parody of a Blink 182 song, here is a sketchy link

Traffic
=======
Verse 1
I get in my car and I rush to the freeway
in time to see tailights the start of the rat race
Now I'm sitting and honking while drinking my coffee
and thinking if that guy would move I could still be on time.


Verse 2
Slowdowns and backups
I'm in them because I
hit the alarm one last time
now I'm in the back of the line
Chorus 1
Get in the other lane
I'll ask you to refrain
From driving on the left
When your skills are inept
This is the worst part of the day
Can you hear what I say?
I'll drive by so fast,
and use my blinker while I pass.


Verse 3
Now as I sit here I ponder my career
I wonder how I would have changed my decision
like forestry ranger or maybe a dictator
perhaps I could just join a commune and move out west


Chorus 2
This is the worst part of the day
Can you hear what I say?
I'll drive by so fast,
and use my blinker while I pass.
Wanna work from home today
What will my manager say?
Will he give me the 'ok'?
Saturday is 3 days away


Saturday is 3 days away
Saturday is 3 days away
Saturday is 3 days away

Not Working

I have typed some posts out the last couple days but blogger won't let me save or post them.  I keep getting error messages.  I am not going to try anymore tonight.  We will see if this goes through using a different web browser...

(this is why I haven't been posting the last 2 parodies etc...)

They are supposedly looking into it.  

Casual Mom

This is the Seattle Public Library. Nice, isn't it? On my trip I made a special walk to see it. I didn't take the official tour, I just took a self-guided trip up the escalators. It is 11 stories and has gigantic computer labs and reading areas. There are relatively few books on each floor. If I lived in Seattle and didn't have children I would totally hang out there.

But here I go to my one room library. Children's section to the right , fiction behind it. Books on tape/CD to the left with nonficton behind it. Computers straight ahead with "reading area" behind that. I like it though. It is small but I can order anything that they don't have and it is close.

I consider myself a casual mom. Not a negligent mom and not an uptight mom. I let my kids climb fences etc, but I am always within view of them. I work at not letting them get too out of hand, but they are little boys and well, little boys are loud, messy and excitable. Very excitable.

I like taking them to the library because I love seeing them get excited about books. I think it is cool that they practically jump up and down when they find a book that seems interesting to them - just like they do when they see squirrels, dogs or the biggest playground EVER!

So, while I don't let them run rampant around the adult corner of the library, I did not see a problem with them singing the alphabet song in duet while we were waiting to check out. They weren't screaming, they weren't yelling - they were just singing. The Librarian and lady ahead of me in line even thought they were cute.

There was a middle aged lady standing at a computer terminal right next to the check out desk. She turns around, glares at my boys (not me, just the 2 and 4 year olds) and says, "Don't you even know how to be quiet?! This is a library. Jiminey Christmas..." My kids didn't realize she was talking to them, but I was suddenly faced with a decision: do I make them be quiet to make the woman happy, or do I let it go since I did not think that they were being overly loud.

And I was irritated. I was irritated that she addressed my children in such a disrespectful way. And I was irritated that she used my children to passively aggresively attack me. I felt like saying, "If you have a problem with my preschoolers (who don't even get what you are muttering about) then take it up with me. Don't say something so bitterly to them."

Now, understand me. If the Librarian had thought my children were being loud and disruptive and had gotten their attention and admonished them in a gentle, "can you use your inside voices, please." I would not have been irritated. I would have backed her up and made sure that things were toned down. That would have been a respectful, appropriate interaction and I would have taken over making sure they stayed quiet. But this, I couldn't take this.

But it brings me to another question. What do you all think is the appropriate response of parents in those stressful times? Do you out of kindness and deference to another human being make them be quiet so as not to disturb the other person? Do you make them be quiet so as to appear like a "good" parent? Do you decide to let it go because you don't think it is a big deal and you don't want to be hypocritical to your children?

It is the same thing we have to think about when we spend time with friends/relatives that have very different opinions then us about what our kids should be allowed to do. Do we tell our kids, "so and so is coming over so for tonight there will be no family dodge ball, no wrestling and no food outside of the kitchen". When they ask why, do we say, "so and so has high blood pressure and you make it higher", or do we graciously say, "some things are just better not to do when we have a lot of people over".

Anyway, just things to think about :) Let me know what you think, whether you have kids or not!

What is Going on Around Here?!

In amongst the chaos, the PB & J making and the laundry doing, we try to teach the boys some life lessons. We try to impart to them that they are NOT the center of the universe and that there are in fact other people out there that may need help or our attention.

It is becoming more and more apparent that we may not be done teaching this.

When we were on Madeline Island biking this summer it began raining. Actually, it had never really stopped raining. It was sort of continuous drizzle. We were biking back the six miles to town after our time at the beach, and Deacon was on his "double back bike" behind me. He talks continuously back there and this time was no exception. He was being a trooper about the rain, and everything, but I guess he finally had enough and called out, "I am cold, I am hungry. WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?"

And I smiled and then I thought about it more. He is not used to being uncomfortable. He is not used to being hungry. If he is hungry or cold or hot or sweaty and not being promptly attended to; that means that something is wrong, something is off, something is the matter. Being comfortable is his normal.

How do you teach them that being well fed and at a good body temperature is not everyone's normal? And that there are lots of children around the world that would instead say, "I am warm, my tummy is full. What is going on around here?!"

So we do Meals on Wheels, we participate in Operation Christmas Child and other Christmas gift giving opprotunities. But how much will that really teach them?

This week we have our 2 Meals on Wheels driving days. The kids like to do it, and take turns carrying the meal. We talk about how the people we bring the meals to can't make their own food. We talk about how we bring them food first and then we will go eat our own lunch.

But this week we have a tough route. It is long and spread out and kind of time consuming. The boys were getting hungry and once again I heard from the back, "I am so hungry! What is going on around here anyway?" So we reiterated again that these people are hungry too and are depending on us to bring them their lunch. I guess I will just keep telling them until they finally get it...and then I will let them remind me...

Lindsey's Song

This parody comes to us from Lindsey over at The King's Missus. If you follow her at all you will remember that she has quite the time with some neighbors. I guess this is a way to blow off a little steam :) Thank you for entering Lindsey, and everyone else enjoy! (and be glad you don't have to pick up your neighbor's (human) poo!)

The the tune of the worship song, "Once Again I Look Upon the Cross Where You Died.... click here to hear the real song!

" Verse 1:
Neighbor, Friend?
I come to your door again,
I need a favor, I need some help,
Can you now, help us fix our car somehow?
Can I use your blender again?
Oh, can I use your mixer again?

Chorus:
Once again we knock upon your door and we beg
We need a cup of oil and a couple of eggs
Once again we ask you,Can you babysit today?
And please, please can Ali play?

Verse 2:
We don't care
If you're as angry as a bear
We will keep knocking 'til the day that we move
It's not fair,
But we leave garbage everwhere
And you'll even have to pick up our poo
The sad thing's this song is all TRUE!

Chorus

Kate's Parody

I'm back to the parodies. Remember that contest? I was planning to time release them to appear during the weekend while I was gone...but I didn't get that far. Then I was planning to post them while on vacation from the fabulous Wi Fi at the hotel. But the connection was pretty slow, so that didn't happen. (funny isn't it? you get so used to a fast connection that if a screen takes longer then say, 10 sec, to appear you think something is wrong).

Any, this parody by Kate is so appropriate for the day after the end of my last vacation for the year. So sad.

Sing this one to the tune of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire. (I think you all know it already?) Oh, can anyone else guess what my favorite line in this one is?

Thanks for entering, Kate! (and lurking :) Everyone else, enjoy!




Beach Bums Roasting on the Lake Shore

Beach bums roasting on the lake shore
The hot sun frying your skin
Kids squealing and giggling more
And folks wearing suits too thin

Everybody knows a hot dog and kool-aid
Help to stretch the summer far
Tiny tots covered in sand
Exhausted and fall asleep in the car

They know that school’s on its way;
It’s loaded with lots of tests and homework all day.
And every mother’s child is going off,
To see if all knowledge has been lost.

And so I’m offering this mournful phrase,
To kids from grade twelve to one
Although it’s been said many times, many ways
Farwell summer, the fun is done

What I've been doing instead of blogging...

1. Reading an entire novel.

2. Eating a LONG supper out with my husband on a patio at 9pm.

3. Sleeping all night long without any child related drama

4. Eating breakfast and only putting peanut butter and syrup on french toast for myself

5. Riding my first city bus in oh, maybe 15 years?

6. Wandering around the city all by myself, looking at architecture and reading a map

7. Wandering around under the city on a very funny tour. All by myself (and about 40 other people)

8. Going to the 11th floor of the public library and enjoying the peace and quiet

9. Eating lunch overlooking the Pacific Ocean

10. Wandering around the waterfront, looking at shops without buying anything

11. Watching people in orange jumpsuits throw fish

12. Going underground again, this time with Noah. Tour was still funny.

13. Having another long uninterrupted dining experience

14. Another long uninterrupted sleep

15. Eating Breakfast where I got to put cream cheese on just one bagel, clean up no spills and eat pastries

16. Scenic driving with just Noah and I and quiet conversation

17. Hiking and looking at a waterfall (thank goodness for Tri workouts!)

18. Eating lunch at a quaint little deli

19. Feeling guilty for sometimes ignoring GPS lady

20. Exploring a Historical museum

21. Watching snorklers

22. Going on a ferry Ride with Noah

23. Having another long, late supper

24. Having another night of uninterrupted sleep

25. Making just 2 waffles, one for me and one for Noah

26. Going on another long, GPS guided trip

27. Getting annoyed with fellow airline passengers

28. Passing up $800 to stay one more night

29. Experiencing a horrendous flight

30. Kissing my babies who didn't miss me

But now I am back. We all are. More parodies to come, and pictures from my trip! Did I make anyone jealous?

Thanks Mom, Dad,Erica, Chris, Debbie and Genna for taking turns watching the kids! Sorry we didn't take the $800 and split it between you...

Karla's parody

This one is from my little sister. She wants a disclaimer though: she actually isn't on e- harmony. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. I guess she wants a man that she is set up with by a person. Maybe a person like you. Does anyone know anyone?


Parody of Brad Paisley's Online (sorry, the link is not working and I have tried like a million times. Cute video on You Tube.)

I teach down in South America
And I ride an old bike to school
I still live all by myself
I'm 5 foot 10 and not in shape
I'm a skeptic romantic
mildly anemic
And I've never been to a high school prom
But there's whole 'nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout Facebook.com

'Cause online I'm livin' in the Windy City?
I'm 5 foot 11 and I look really pretty
I drive a sports car
I'm a basketball star
And I love a good cup of coffee
It turns boys heads that I'm bilingual
I tell them that I understand all the lingo
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have as many as two
Languages going at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When I get home I water my flowers
and pour myself an iced tea
And I head over to my laptop on the table
And fire up my PC
In real life the only time I've ever dreaded going to Chi -Town
Is when I got the chance to drive the family van
To get my visa from the Embassy

Online I live in Nashville, Tennessee
I perform at the Opry with Brad Paisley
I'm single and I'm richAnd I've got a set of vocal cords that would sell platinum records
It turns boys heads that I'm bilingual
I tell them that I understand all the lingo
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have as many as two Languages going at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When you live where I do
It's hard to get a date
Let alone a real boyfriend
But E-Harmony helps me find a mate
Every time I login

Online
I'm livin' in the Windy City
I'm 5 foot 11 and I look really pretty
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have as many as two Languages going at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
Yeah, I'll see ya online

Stagnancy

Fun title, huh?

I have had entirely too much time lately to be alone with my thoughts. Now, don't get all bent out of shape with jealousy about me apparently not having enough children crying in my life. Trust me, I have more than enough to go around. Ask anyone who calls me and hears the background "music".

But I have done a fair amount of driving the last couple days and so I have been thinking. Thinking about the past. Actually not really that much but it sounds sort of dramatic. In reality, mostly I have been thinking about if there is any possible way that I can ever say that every piece of laundry in my house is clean.

Did you ever read Farmer Boy? You know, the one about Almanzo Wilder, written by his wife Laura Ingalls Wilder? There is a chapter in the book about sheep shearing. Almanzo was in charge of bringing the wool up to the loft after it was sheared off the sheep. He knew that he would never get to be done first because by nature his job was last. Anyway, this bothered him so much that he somehow carried/drug one of the unsheared sheep up to the loft so that he was sort of done first. I always think about that story when I think about my laundry. Can I somehow wash the clothes before they land in the hamper?

But where were we going here? Oh yes, stagnancy.

The other night, at 0030, I realized that I had not taken the garbage can down to the curb. Even though I was already in bed I figured I had better get up and go do it. As any of us with babies know, it is not cool to leave diapers (even sealed up) in the can for too long. They fester in there. Every time I think about diapers standing there in all of their stinky glory, I think about my husband and giggle.

See, I have known Noah for a long time. Since preschool. I liked him from jr. high on. (maybe even before). When I was 14 I thought he was like, the smartest 15 year old ever, ever, ever. And he probably was. He is like the smartest 29 year old ever, ever, ever now, so it makes sense.

Anyway, we wrote letters to each other from 8th grade on. Like not little letters. Like pages and pages. But we weren't dating and we weren't "going out". We were just friends who wrote really, really, long journal like epistles to each other. Because that is normal. And that is what we were. Totally normal. And smart, can't forget smart. (notice all the "likes" I am regressing to my high school years as I remember them.)

So one day I wrote a question in my letter to him. "What does stagnant mean?" That was the dark days before Wikepedia or google search were invented. We did have dictionaries though, but I apparently didn't have one handy. I had heard the word in that song, "Where justice rolls down like a mighty something..." So he writes me back and the example he gives me in his explanation was about urine stagnanting if it sat there for too long. Or something like that. (I could give the exact quote but then nothing would get done tonight as I read all of those old letters...) Not the coolest example he could have given me, I think it kind of gave away the geeky/socially unaware side of him. (seriously, don't discuss stagnant urine with the girl you are trying to impress. Oh wait, I was the one trying to impress him...)

The point of that story is that every time I smell those diapers I think about his 15year old explanation of stagnancy...

Oh how I loved that boy, and oh how I love that man!

Heather's parody

This parody comes to us from Heather of the EO . I highly recommend you check out her blog. She can make you laugh, she can make you cry. I even say amen once or twice (a day).

And that is what her parody did for me too. I laughed as I thought about the angst of Air Supply. Then I cried because of the longing in the words. And then I said amen because well, I really want some time to myself too.

So if you want to belt out Heather's lyrics while enjoying the happenin' music of Air Supply, check out my youtube link . Thanks for entering, Heather! Everyone else, enjoy!

All By Myself

Yes, they are young
They have needs and I'm the one
They're screaming just for fun
My mind is gone

Never alone
I think of all the friends I've known
But I don't dial the telephone
I sigh and moan

All by myself
I want to be
All by myself
More and more

Yes I am sure
Something smells like manure
Rest so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
I want to be
All by myself
More and more

Yes they are young
And I love them all the more
Of this I'm sure
But I wanna be

All by myself
A little more
Just by myself
At the shore
Or in a store
Of this I'm sure

Another Parody

I am going to post these in alphabetical order by first name. These 2 are from my sister Erica. She makes them up while she runs (she is about a month away from her marathon- not her first). She doesn't read my blog, but maybe she will if I tell her that her songs are on here :) These song lyrics are true. I have seen the table and the car. We really like the second one especially. Enjoy, and Erica, thanks for entering!

to the tune of on top of old smokey:

On top of my table
all covered with gunk
I lost all my marbles for keeping such junk
Now storing's a pleasure
and throwing's a grief
the garbage collector's
worse than a thief.



To the tune of I've got a mule...

I've got a car, she's really sweet
100,000 miles on minnesota streets
The AC broke so you can feel the heat
100,000 miles on minnesota streets.
I fixed her mirror one fall day
with gorilla glue and duct tape grey
And now I see every car in sight
from Bloomington to Spring Lake Park
Whoa no bridge detour ahead
Whoa little kid, watch out for that ped
And to never miss an exit is really quite a feat
if you've ever navigated on Minnesota streets.

Funny, funny stuff

Milk bags. Ever heard of them? I had some friends over tonight and we were talking about one of my coworkers, Lisa, who grew up in the same general area as my friend Matt. I said, "yeah, Lisa went to the elementary school that had the stoplight in the corner. And that was the school where they had the milk bags."

Hmmm...milk bags. We all were picturing something like capri sun where there is a cute little spot for the straw. Matt enlightened us.

Matt said that back in the day the school had saved up a lot of money in order to buy a milk dispenser so that each kid could dispense the amount of milk that they wanted. Apparently the kids were wasting milk from the cartons. (actually I just added that in. I don't know if there was any waste going on.) In fact, Matt said that he knows someone who was on the milk dispenser committee. At the very last second, some unnamed person pulled a switcheroo, canceled the dispenser and instead introduced the milk bag .

This bag, Matt went on to tell us, was a square plastic ziplock looking thing but the seal went all around. Then there was a straw. There was no specific place to insert the straw, you could do it anywhere. (I am sure that was one of its strong selling features.)

Can you picture it? There was the cool kids who always put their straws in the upper right corner. Then there were the geeks who put it right in the center. The band crowd definitely would have put theirs in the upper left and the drama club I am sure must have been able to do it on the diagonal. I bet the jocks stuck two together and stuck a straw through both of them. Matt says that if you were overexuberant and used too much force the straw would poke right through the other side, creating a mess. Also, if you were holding the bag while forcefully inserting the straw, milk would shoot straight up.

It is amazing to me how vivid Matt and Lisa's memories are about the milk bags. Big day in a small town :) By the way, Matt, did my above link do the bags justice?

One more thing: when my guests arrived they brought a pair of underwear to the door saying they had found them on the driveway. Thankfully, they were elmo size 2T and not jockey size 6 :) That could have been embarassing!

And the winner is...

This was tough. Really tough. I actually had some friends over last night and I pulled out the 8 parodies and we voted. And we all liked different ones. But after rehashing pros and cons and criteria and singing along on youtube, we decided on the one that we thought best fit the original lyrics/music with the highest degree of complexity.

Because if we just went on lyrics alone or cleverest lyrics there were a lot more differing opinions.

Anyway, it was really fun and congratulations to Jamie, our new parody winner! Jamie is my creative neighbor and (in her words) I "shamed" her into entering. Aren't you glad you did? :)

Parody of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Sound of Silence”

The Sound of Silence
Hello bedtime, my old friend
It’s finally that time again
But now a child softly creeping
Down the hallway while I am sleeping
Disrupts my sleep and leaves a pounding in my brain
Still remains
So much for sounds of silence

A peaceful slumber I enjoyed
But now I’m really quite annoyed
Daddy sleeps on in oblivion
I guess that means it’s mommy’s turn again
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a hallway light
That split the night
Disturbed the sound of silence

And in the hallway light I saw
One of my children, maybe more
A little shadow slowly creeping
A little figure that started speaking
“Mommy I need blankie and a sippy -- rub my back”
“I want a snack”
So much for peace and quiet

"Kids," said I, "I hope you know
One day you’ll have kids of your own
Then you’ll appreciate my sleepless nights
I toss and turn until the morning light”
But my words like silent raindrops fell
Oh well
Who needs the sounds of silence?

So out of bed I finally crawl
And slowly paddle down the hall
I know I don’t have long, they grow up soon
And they won’t want me to read ‘Goodnight Moon’
So I will cherish these moments as often as they come
“I love you mom”
Echos in the sound of silence



Oh, and here is the link to the original song:
Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel

I will be posting the other entries over the next couple days...watch for them! They are funny and creative and the speak to everyone's individuality!

Problem in Paradise

Keep those songs coming,you have a few more hours! I have been laughing a lot. And I think I am going to resign as judge and hand over the final decision to my husband. I think he can handle it and he is more cutthroat then I am. Unless I get really surprised, there will be under 10 entries...so your chances here are better than say, over at PW's site. You are one in 3000 over there. On a good day. (No offense to PW, I am a faithful reader. But there are a lot of us).


Oh, but my problem. I was going to write quick about this little frog. But my 2 eldest are waiting for the computer. See, they have decided they would rather use the computer for their screen time instead of a DVD, so since I have no laptop I have to decide: let them use it so that I can do laundry but cannot blog about the precious little frog, or tell them they have to watch a dvd instead so that I can blog about the frog. That does rhyme but it also seems selfish and a little blog obsessed.

So my url is about to change to pbskids.org... (hmmm...it is called a url, right?)

Cleaning

Doesn't that look fun? That is what I was doing on Saturday. Today I am trying to get rid of junk in my house. Not so fun. I will have to report soon what I manage to get done tonight. I hope it is a good report, but right now I could just sit down and fall asleep! Oh, and my sunglasses in the picture? Well, they broke yesterday. I can not keep sunglasses more than one season! Either they break or get lost. I really liked that pair too! Oh, well, maybe I can find some on clearance.

Reminder!

Just a reminder that the parody contest ends Friday at 5pm! Get those funny songs in!

Quote of the Day

This is for Noah-

"A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have." - Gerald Ford

Update on the Boys

So here is a picture of Deacon in his Spiderman garb. He really is into that whole superhero/villain thing. Still. Maybe forever?

We are trying to use the super hero craze to talk about being "real life super heroes" and how being a super hero means that you do extraordinary things to help others. We like to tell them how they are super heroes when they help the baby brother who can't reach his toy or when they help deliver meals on wheels to people who can't get food for themselves. (we, of course, also have to explain that super heroes should not help with everything, for example, a super hero should not assist the baby to get up on the counter to get some cookies...)

Deacon is getting much more thoughtful about life and things he encounters. The other day we were at the park and one of the little girls was not really playing with the other kids. Deacon asked me on the way home, "why didn't she play with us?" I explained that some kids like to play with other kids and some don't. We talked about some of his other friends that have less social personalities and how they sometimes just like to be alone. I said, "Everyone is different, Deacon. God didn't make everyone the same. What are some other ways that kids are different?" He didn't have any comments right away so I helped him out. "Some kids have white skin, some kids have black skin. Some kids have dark hair and some kids have light hair. Some kids are in wheelchairs and some kids aren't. Everyone is different in different ways."

Deacon thought about that and said, "I have one mom! Some kids like to run, and some kids would just rather walk!" I loved the innocence of that answer! I hope that when he comes up against the stereotypes and prejudices of this world that he can always continue to say, "God made everyone different. Some people are black, some are white, some like to run and some like to walk. But God loves us all."

Ahh, Roman. Roman is WAY into this mommy/baby thing. He always wants to be the baby and I am the mommy. Our conversations all day long go like this. R- "you be mommy pig and I will be baby pig." M- "ok" R - "Hi mommy Pig" M- "Hi little baby pig. I love you!" Today alone I think I have been Mommy Hedgehog, Mommy Pig, Mommy Cow, Mommy Dr. Shrinky, Mommy Spiderman, Mommy Superhero, Mommy pencil, Mommy T Rex.

He also likes books about mommies and babies.

Lincoln is turning into a little boy. He thinks he has his world figured out and he is ready to conquer it. He actually will go and join in the other boys games, turn off their TV shows and laugh and run away. He goes gets his shoes, brings them to us and then when we put them on goes to the door and waits for us to load him in the van. He has gotten MUCH HAPPIER (yeah!) and giggles and goofs around a lot. Last night he was laying on our bed with Noah and I and he would lift his legs and bed off the bed and then bring them down onto the bed as hard as he could. He thought it was the funniest thing ever and kept doing it over and over laughing all the time.

And Noah? Well, Noah checked a book out of the library. It is called Scorpio. The cover proclaims it as, "The Epic Saga of an Alien Trapped in Medieval Times". I am not joking. What am I supposed to do with that boy?!