Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Housewives Confession

I don't sit on the couch much and just watch TV.

If I am watching TV I am usually folding mountains of laundry.

Or riding my bike.

We finally got the storage third of the basement organized enough to set up our bikes. Ok, I can't lie to you. We didn't organize it, I just shoved everything to the back so I could set up my bike. It was important to me because I felt like I would be more likely to keep up with the 500 mile club if I had a way to get milage in my basement. While still wearing my slippers.

Everything comes down to competition and slippers for me.

What all this means is that I have watched more TV shows the last couple months because, quite frankly, riding a bike in your storage room is akin to torture. It makes it slightly less so when you are distracted by comedy. or drama. or udder stupidity.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago I happened past Desperate Housewives. I have seen the show once or twice over the last few years, but don't really have any idea of the current storyline.

The more normal acting/looking blonde one (not to be confused with freaky blonde, creepy red head, Eva Longoria (not to be confused with Evan Longoria(2nd baseball reference in 2 days.), or Teri Hatcher) had just found out she was pregnant again (I think it was a flashback).

She really wanted a new job. A new job that didn't involve pregnancy or babies.

It moves forward a little bit and her water is breaking. She is on the phone trying to seal this coveted job and trying not to let her future boss know she is in labor. Her husband told her she was crazy and they had to get to the hospital. She hung up the phone and as she left the house she said, "I know that we can have it all."

But she couldn't.

Flash forward a few months. She is once again multi-tasking and carrying in groceries and on her phone with work. She forgets the baby in the car on a very hot day. The handy man brings the baby in. (There is always a handy man, isn't there?). She quits her job.

The whole sequence struck a cord with me.

I always want to have it all too.

A good relationship with my Lord. A passionate, multidiminsional marriage. Children with a balance of freedom and responsiveness, independence and dependence, control and joy. A nursing job I love. Triathlete endurance. Clean house. Organized closets. Vaccuumed out car. Volunteer positions where I feel like I am making a difference. Quality relationships with friends. Hospitable home. Healthy meals. Uninterrupted sleep. Time to read. Time to blog. Financially savvy and stable.

But like that woman (what is her name?),

I can't have it all. Not all at the same time.

So I am choosing the most important to constantly "have".

And I am putting the others on a rotational schedule.


joolee said...

I realized long ago that I can't have it all. On today's rotational schedule.....sweeping the dust bunnies from under all the furniture.......looks like maybe that one should be more frequently rotated:(

Anonymous said...

I've been thinking about this lately too and have come to the conclusion that you can have it all, just not simultaneously.

When I was working (far more than full time - working my way up the lawyer ladder meant lots of time trying to meet billable goals) and pregnant, I decided that "having it all" (meaning a family and a traditional full time career) was an idea foisted on women to get them to work more. Really, it seems like a big fraud - you get to work hard at the office... and then get home and work hard with the kids and chores! Yay! Could I work the night shift somewhere too? Then I could really have it ALL!

Instead, I decided that I would have it all in sequence. So I had a lot of fun traveling around and stuff in school, then worked my rear off as a lawyer for awhile, and now I'm devoting my time to the baby. Soon he'll be bigger and I can add volunteering back in, etc. Some of the stuff isn't sequential, of course, like my relationship with my husband or the need to wear clean clothes...

So there's my two cents!

Anonymous said...

You know, I should add a caveat: the above was written for my situation, and I am sure things work differently for different families.

My purpose was to address and encourage rejection of the pervasive feeling of guilt that certain people shove towards women who aren't actively chasing it all, simultaneously.


The Three 22nds said...


Clean clothes are over-rated.

I wear my Batman jammies 5 days a week.


Gma Pam said...

I am sorry, Julie, I know this is a very serious post, and you know I could have a lot of comments to add, but really, I can't get past the "udder" stupidity...what were you watching?

The Three 22nds said...


I agree with you. I'll wear the same jeans and sweatshirt all week. I'll take it a step farther than you though and change my underwear, socks and t-shirt though.


Heather of the EO said...

I can't believe how much I've been thinking about this and how many posts, books and conversations have fallen in my lap that speak the same thing to me. I hope to write more on it soon. Sheesh, are you in my brain?

Mrs. Jo said...

great post!