Friday, August 13, 2010

Not The Day I Planned

Tomorrow I have a tri to compete in.

1k swim

33k bike

8k run

I haven't trained physically as well as I wanted to.

And mentally I am not prepared at all.

And if you race, than you know that the mental game is really more important than the physical game. But if you have neither, you are really in trouble.

But today was supposed to help with that.

The boys were supposed to go to my in laws for an overnight. Noah and I and Berean were going to go get my packet, get my stuff lined up and have dinner out. And mentally prepare for the race.

But Roman was throwing up today.

So no overnight.

No dinner.

No mental preparedness.

Instead, all day my mind has been filled with:

Why is he throwing up? Is this related to the strep? Or is it the flu? Or is the medicine bothering him? Does he have diabetes? Is the vomiting related to his headache? How about appendicitis? Ohh..rhematic fever. That would be bad.

Is everyone else going to start throwing up? If I have to bring everyone in I will have to deal with insurance again. I despise insurance. I wonder if they will cover the speech therapy? How many days until we find out about that? I feel nausous. Is it nerves or am I getting sick?

Why is my house so messy? Why can't I keep it in order? Why do I even care? I hate it when people are obsessed with their houses. But I just want to be able to find stuff. I need to finish filling out all the homeschool paperwork, and plan the schedule. And order books. And when in the world am I going to fit in shifts at the hospital while homeschooling. Speaking of work, I wonder what we can do about...

Snacks for soccer camp. I need to get on that. And Noah and I haven't talked about how we are going to carpool that. And..OH NO...what if the water is too warm and the race is not wet suit legal!? And what am I even thinking racing? I am a mother of 4. I am still nursing. My kids are sick. My house is a mess. Why did I even think I could do a tri? If I do this race I am going to have to get up and feed the baby and make sure there is adequate milk supply for while I am gone.

If I get a flat tire I am just done. I am not going to sit there in the 90 degree heat changing a flat when I stink at it. Maybe I won't even race. When am I going to do something about my counter full of tomatoes and zucchini. And grocery shopping may end up trumping going to the beach this weekend. And OH NO! I don't have a computer on my new bike yet...

*Noah got home.
*Roman appears fine.
*Noah is now working on my bike.
*I got my race packet.
*It is not wet suit "legal" but we are in range that I can wear it if I want to, my times just won't be counted for prizes.
*I have a plan for my tomatoes
*I have no plans for the rest of my problems (homeschool stuff, papers, house cleaning etc) but I will figure it out.
*If I get a flat I will just call it a day.

I feel a little better.
Good night!


Rachel said...

Hope you're feeling calmer today and are able to make a good decision about whether to do the Tri or not. Glad Roman's feeling better! Ethan was sick awhile back and I thought it might be strep and then I started worrying about rheumatic fever. His doc told me that in 30 years of practice he'd never seen a case of it, which was relieving to hear. Remember homeschool paperwork doesn't need to be in at the district until Oct.

Johanna said...

hahaha, that totally sounds like an inside peek into my brain and crazy thought processes! :D it's like an avalanche sometimes and I know it doesn't help anything to just crazily go from one thing to another, but I just can't stop and I start getting super stressed out and then, after all, it's not so bad. And I realize that it was actually a lot more work to worry about everything than to just take one thing at a time and take care of it. And I think, "Next time, I'm going to remember this and not stress out." But then the next time comes and I don't remember, and it happens again.