Sometimes I get Encouraged

We bought our tree from the lot at Ace Hardware. It has become a sort of tradition- some of us go to a "real" tree farm with Noah's family to look at trees and cut one down for his parents, and then our family goes to Ace and picks up one for ourselves.

I told the boys that it is so that we would have more money for presents.

They like that.

And it is a compromise between my frugal side which chafes at the idea of paying for a dead tree every year and Noah's sentimental side that requires what he considers a live tree every year.

And it is a tradition. Last year Deacon puked in the tree lot. We remember that. No one vomited this year. As the kids excitedly ran around the enclosure, the tree guy said, "are the kids picking out the tree?" I replied, "no way. I am."

Guess who picked out the somewhat lopsided tree?

The kids.

And I decided that I was ok with it. It is dead anyway, right?

But the best part of the night for me was when we pulled up to Ace and I heard a conversation from the back:

R: "I don't like going by this store. I don't even like to see it."

D: "Why?"

R: "It reminds me of breaking mom's screen and this is where we had to take it to get it fixed." (referring to the screen that he cut a hole in so that he could have a "secret passage")

D: "I know what you mean. Sometimes I still think about the lego gun I dropped down the drain." (when he was 3).

R: "I just don't like remembering the screen."

I interjected at this point and assured Roman that he was forgiven by us and that he had made restitution.

R: "I know, but I wish the whole thing had just never happened."

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I don't want my son to feel guilty his whole life about things, but Roman is a kid who often does not show any remorse over anything at all. We often wonder what he is thinking and feeling and if he even feels bad when he does something wrong.

This incident made me realize that he does in fact feel remorse, maybe more than his brothers do because he internalizes it. Hopefully this new insight will help us in dealing with him- and help us be more sensitive to what he may be feeling and just not saying.

Ah, parenting.

It is such a learning experience.