Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Book

I know I have been making blog promises that I am apparantly unable to keep. Things like blogging my way through a book.

A book called "Have a New Kid by Friday".

See, I was so busy working, shuttling kids, implementing the book strategies, traumatizing-my-child-so-much-that-he-refuses-to-get-into-the-water, etc that it left me with no time to blog.

My kids are very high energy.
And very much individuals. (Roman wore snowpants to the park today.)
They do ok, but I usually have to tell them things multiple times and that is wearing. Especially with 4 kids.

I have been working on these 2 things:
1.say it once
2.turn around
3. walk away

and B doesn't happen until A is complete.

This is how a few scenerios have played out, what I did right, and what I did wrong.

(we are not using this method with Lincoln right now very much because it is hard to implement with everyone all at once and we decided to start with the older two first. He is struggling with his speech so much too, so we will tackle him next. Deacon has just been noticing how things are going for Roman and has been toeing the line pretty well.)


Deacon was late for Tee ball Tuesday night because he didn't get his room cleaned.
(B- in this case tee ball- doesn't happen until A-in this case room cleaning- is complete). I didn't stress myself out over it, nor did I clean the whole thing.

I did help clean a little because Lincoln was sleeping and a lot of it was his mess.


I forgot to bring Roman a long sleeved shirt to swimming lessons. His only options were 2 different tee shirts that belonged to his brothers. We had a 35 minute stand off in the locker room. I quietly sat there while he threw a fit. I gave him his options and then ignored him. No threats. No bribes. He came around.


Roman misbehaved at the park and than disobeyed as well. I made a mistake and told him I was taking him home (threat). This was a problem because as soon as it came out of my mouth I realized I could not follow through. I knew he would throw a fit and we were a mile from home. I was not going to be able to haul a fit throwing Roman a mile (and yes, he could carry on for a mile) while managing the other 3.

I had him sit in the stroller. And he sat.

Then I apologized to him for "promising something" (the threat) that I was unable to carry out. He seemed surprised and slightly confused, but gave me a hug when his fit was over.


all in all, I think the behavior is improving but what is improving most is my stress level. I have a plan and I can use it. These big things don't happen very often though, so now maybe time to move onto other more minor behaviors (while still attacking the big situations head on when they do present themselves).

I did notice that it was harder to work on this over the long weekend when Noah was home. When i am with them all day I get into the rhythm of the day and know how each person is feeling/acting/thinking/behaving. It gives me resources to handle situations. When Noah and I are both there but maybe "taking turns" parenting I feel out of the loop, out of sync and it is harder to effectively implement the strategies.

I will try to continue to keep you appraised of the situation.


Thia said...

This book has been on my list for a long time. I really want to read it! I do agree with you on how things are different when Daddy is home. I feel the same way!

Johanna said...

Hmmm. Very interesting. I'm glad your stress levels are decreasing!