Despite the title being out of Tacky the Penguins favorite song, this is meant to be a serious post.
The other day I was reading about stress and how you should analyze your stress to see if what you think is stressing you out is really what is stressing you out.
So I have been analyzing.
-When I am irritated with Noah 8 times out of 10 it is because I feel like he is not helping me contain the domestic mess. It is really the domestic mess that is stressful, not Noah.
-When I get upset with the kids 7 times out of 10 it is because they are doing something to make the domestic mess more messy and thus creating extra domestic mess for me to contain. It is really the extra domestic mess, not the kids, that is stresssing me out.(the other 3/10 times, by the way, are usually when they are whacking each other and screaming).
-When I feel stress when I am heading out the door to work it is not really about work. That doesn't create stress- it is the feeling that I am walking out on the domestic mess that I should be cleaning. Once again, domestic mess is the forefront of my problem.
-planning preschool VBS for the summer- the problem? It adds clutter to my house.
-new baby? Yes, all of her stuff causes me stress.
The clutter, the cleaning, the domestic mess. This is what is causing 80-90% of my stress.
But honestly, I have no idea how to get a handle on it.
Part of the problem is lack of space. The truth of the matter is, when you have a baby in your room with tons of cloth diapers, clothes and a crib it is hard to keep things looking pristine.
When you have 3 kids in one room it is also difficult to keep all the clothes, underwear, blankets and pillows looking neat and orderly- even if it has been straightened up.
When you have 49 library books plus schoolbooks in the living room, even if they are contained in a box your living room still isn't perfect.
When you try to cram massive woodworking tools, laundry, pantry and bins and bins of clothes into your basement, that doesn't look neat either.
I have been trying to get rid of things and organize the things that we can't get rid of, but it is time consuming and frusterating. And honestly, there is not that much to get rid of (unless I want to incur large expenses when I need to rebuy something I got rid of) Especially when I am trying to do it with 4 kids underfoot and little sleep.
And in the back of my mind is always The Addition.
Noah and I have talked about an addition, and we are both on the same page that if we do it finances need to be clearly in place to minimize debt etc. We are fairly conservative in our spending and so realistically we are looking at a few years.
I always hear about people with incredible stories about how God has provided for them when they needed a vehicle, or more space and the funds aren't there.
But God has given me a job where I can make money quickly and flexibly, despite having 4 kids. Is that his answer to our space problem? Is he saying to us, "I gave you this job, work your hours, bide your time and put on your addition when you make the money". Or does he want us to tough it out in the space we have. Maybe he wants us to get serious about saving, as I am sure there are lots of ways we could cut down our budget to increase saving. Or do we not have enough faith?
By me picking up shifts to cover any extra expenses that we have- are we not relying on God enough? Is he basically saying, "I could do incredible things for you if you would let me, but you keep insisting on running yourself ragged making the money you need on your own. I will be here when you are ready to give up and let me meet your needs."
Or is that being lazy when he gave me a great job?
And I love my job. I really don't go to work just for the money. I like caring for patients, I like learning new things, I like my coworkers.
I don't know what the answer is
In the meantime I will keep decluttering and pushing aside the diapers to open my dresser drawers.
But while I do that I will wonder, yup, I will wonder.
5 comments:
Oh, Julie...I love to read your thoughts. It brings me back to when the boys were little. Of course, I can't really feel your pain since I only had 2 (and an occasional day care kid), but I remember being stressed anyway. I don't know why I always thought my house had to be clean...maybe because there were little people playing on the floors...I don't know. And clutter has always bothered me, but for some reason it's less annoying now and I don't really care that much if my house isn't spotless. Don't know why it bothered me so much back then...maybe it was because of all the time I spent there. Now I stress about why my teenagers are acting like lunatics. I hope and pray that when they are all grown up I will wonder why I stressed about their behavior. You are a great mom and you have some amazing kids!!
As much as it would be *nice*, I'm not convinced yet that God thinks we *need* an addition. Which further muddies the waters. A lot of people have done as much as more with a lot less.
I know the clutter doesn't bother me as much as you. A certain level of chaos is par for the course we're playing I think.
Love ya babe.
...Cindi, LOL, I've met all three of your boys and I can see it...
Julie, you have just spoken about what I ponder over ALL THE TIME!!!
I am a thinker, a worrier and I always have a ton of questions for God about whether or not we have enough faith and what He is trying to teach us... its hard wondering and its hard to stop wondering, take the plunge and trust God with my life.
Also I don't feel like I know ANY women who have a completely tidy house and have small children! And if I meet one I am going be convinced that she has a maid service!
It is possible to have a tidy house for several days and maybe (maybe) a couple weeks, but eventually a tornado caused by a busy week, illness, or sugared up children is going to make it untidy again, that is life!
If it helps at all, I will never look down on you for an untidy house!
I totally understand the domestic mess stress. Hence, the reason I am going around throwing toys in the shed like a crazy woman and threatening my kids to clean up every thing they get out. I am sick to death of it! Even if I take everything they own away, they still find a way to make a mess. And it's not that my house has to be perfect, I just want them to learn to stop throwing stuff everywhere. I think more space would help, considering 3 kids share one tiny closet. I have several friends who are perfect housekeepers (whether or not they have 3 small kids, newborn twins, or are pregnant) and it drives me CRAZY because I feel like I can never measure up or be as clean as them. I feel like a loser since I can't keep my house as clean as they keep theirs.
As for the working thing, I think you have to be so careful not to burn yourself out completely. I don't know how you do it. I think if you prayerfully decide on a number of days you will work with your husband, and they ask you to do more, then you should decline, even if it means more money, because you know it will max you out. Trust God for the rest and for provision for the addition. Someday you may be able to work 5 days at a time and during some stages, any work outside the home may be too much. Ask your hubby to guage what is just enough for you for this season-since he knows you best.
i hate clutter and it totally stresses me out. and i am only myself--i can't say enough how much your life impresses me (granted, i haven't seen your house, but unless it looks like a hoarder's house, i think you're good).
i constantly stress myself out with those God questions too. bottom line, i have no idea. I think trust and faithfulness to live each day to the fullest extent of what I understand are key. What if God wants you to learn all of those things--regardless of the outcome? trust him to provide (yup), do your work excellently (yup), be a good steward of your resources (yup), don't rely on your own strength (yup), don't get stuck in a rut and be willing to let God take you in a new direction on your faith journey in order to see more clearly another facet of who he is (yup).
Good news is, you're in line with what he directs in his word and you can be confident that he will show himself faithful in each situation!
Post a Comment